No-No, Bad Dog!

Hello, my name is Tex, and I'm a confirmed house-soiler.

I know it's not polite to air your dirty laundry.

But I need support, and I am hoping one of you is prepared to give it.

My human just cleaned up after me--again--for the 759th time this month--and she says I will be banished to the back yard soon if I do not learn how to hold my water.

The thing is, I just do not quite get the whole 'housebreaking' concept.

The cat never has to go outside.

The humans never have to go outside.

Why should I have to go outside?

And why, pray tell, must I be on a leash when I do?

Please send any advice, suggestions, encouragement or support my way ASAP, as I kind of like my spot by the sunny window, and I have grown very fond of The Dog Chair.

Sincerely,

No-No, Bad Dog

Portrait of Tex

Being an astute, 'on-the-ball' kind of person, I am fully aware that I have just posted a picture of the back of my dog's head. Rest assured, dear reader, that I did this with full knowledge and forethought. It is unfortunate but true that for the past two months, being left with just one puppy, and a very friendly puppy at that, the only photos I have been able to take of said puppy look exactly like the shot above.

The back of his head.

Because anytime the puppy turns his head just the slightest and catches a glimpse of me out of the corner of his eye, he comes barreling toward me, full tilt, with his big floppy tongue aiming straight for my expen$ive len$.

Ergo, I have thousands of blurry, smudgy photos of my puppy's fat red tongue.

But today, I finally got smart.

I threw him a stick.

"Look, ma, a stick!"

"Say, this stick tastes pretty good!

I think I'll stop and have a little chew..."

"Wowzah! Great stick! This is the best stick ever!"

Success!

It is clear that I finally proved that I am smarter than my dog.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, a portrait of Tex...